Raising Someone Nothing Like You

February 27, 2026 in Motherhood | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

I used to assume that if I ever had a daughter, she would be like me.

Quiet. Independent. Capable of sorting through her own problems without much fuss.

Instead, I was given a girl who feels everything.

She cries at sad films. At kind gestures. At disappointment. At things I would have simply swallowed and moved on from. She talks through her worries. Replays conversations. Questions herself in ways that leave me tired simply listening.

For years, if I’m honest, I mistook our differences for weaknesses — hers, not mine.

I didn’t understand the drama of secondary school friendships. I didn’t understand the tears over boys who hadn’t earned them. I didn’t understand the anxiety over grades when she was already doing well.

At her age, my friendships were uncomplicated. Mostly boys. Very little emotion. I made good grades without much effort — and when I got bored, I simply disengaged. Life felt rather straightforward.

Hers does not.

She sets impossibly high standards for herself. All A’s or nothing. Certainty or failure. Love or rejection. There is very little middle ground.

I encourage. I reassure. I tell her she is capable. Sometimes she believes me. Often she doesn’t.

And I have had to learn something uncomfortable:
Just because I do not experience the world the way she does does not mean her experience is wrong.

It is simply different.

She is in her second year at university now, eight hours away. Brave enough to build a life far from home. Strong enough to navigate things I never had to. Sensitive enough to care deeply when others might not.

I am proud of her — not because she is like me.

But because she isn’t.

Perhaps part of motherhood — even for those of us who never quite felt the instinct the way others seem to — is learning to raise someone without trying to remake them in your own image.

She is emotional. I am measured.
She is social. I am reserved.
She doubts herself. I rarely have.

And yet, somehow, we fit.

I am still learning her.
And perhaps she is still learning me.

Maybe that is the quiet work of raising a daughter — not shaping her into who you would have been, but standing steady while she becomes who she already is.

– Kate

When Home Changes

February 25, 2026 in Reflections | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

I have lived long enough in two countries to know that no place stays frozen in time.

I was fourteen when I left England. Old enough to remember the cadence of it. The quiet politeness. The way neighbors acknowledged one another, even if only with a nod. When I visit now, it feels different. Faster. Sharper around the edges.

America was the country that shaped my adulthood. I married here. Raised my daughter here. Built a life here. And for a long time, it felt steady.

Not perfect. But steady.

I remember strangers smiling in the grocery aisle. Drivers lifting a hand from the steering wheel in passing. Neighbors who disagreed about politics but still borrowed sugar and returned it with a laugh and a “thank you, love.”

We had differences. But we also had a shared understanding that the person across from us still had value.

Lately, that feels thinner.

Conversations feel guarded. Opinions feel dangerous. Disagreement feels personal. Somewhere along the way, it seems we began equating disagreement with dismissal — as though if someone does not share our view, they must lack intelligence, compassion, or character.

I don’t believe that’s true.

I was raised in a faith that taught me every person bears the image of God. Others may not use that language, but many were raised with similar foundations — respect your elders, be kind, treat people as you wish to be treated. The source may differ, but the principle was the same.

Now I sometimes wonder if we’ve forgotten how to sit across from one another without our guard up.

Perhaps every generation says this. Perhaps this is simply what change feels like when you are no longer twenty.

But I miss the wave from passing drivers.
I miss assuming goodwill.
I miss believing that disagreement did not automatically mean division.

I still love this country. I chose it. That matters to me.

But loving something does not mean pretending it hasn’t changed.

Maybe the better question is not “What happened to us?”
Maybe it’s “How do we remember who we are?”

Perhaps we begin small.
A smile. A wave. A conversation without accusation.

It’s not naïve to believe those things matter.

It might be the only place to start.

– Kate

A Beginning Without an Apology

February 24, 2026 in Reflections | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

I’ve written here before.

And then I’ve disappeared.

Each time I came back, I told myself I would be more consistent. More disciplined. More committed. And each time, life folded in on itself and this little corner of the internet went quiet again.

But this isn’t one of those posts.

This isn’t a promise that I’ll post every Tuesday at precisely 7:00 a.m. with a perfectly polished thought about the state of the world. This is something quieter. More certain.

I need a place to think out loud.

The world feels louder than it ever has — and not in a good way. England doesn’t feel like the England I left as a child. America doesn’t feel like the America I grew to love. The church I once called home isn’t home anymore. Even long-held assumptions feel as though they are shifting beneath my feet.

And yet — I’m not hopeless.

I’m observant. I’m thoughtful. I’m sometimes unsettled. But not afraid.

So this space will be where I sort through it all. Faith. Marriage. History. Politics. Culture. Love. The strange and beautiful tension of raising a daughter while still figuring out parts of myself.

Some posts may be careful and essay-like.
Some may be raw.
Some may simply be a question I cannot shake.

But they will be honest.

This isn’t a restart.
It’s simply a continuation — without deleting what came before.

If you’re reading, stay.
If you disagree, that’s quite all right.
If you’re also trying to make sense of things, perhaps we’ll sort some of it out together.

– Kate

Well that did not go as planned

November 5, 2019 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I wanted so much to share about what happened to our family as it was happening, but it was too much. I hope to make time to share soon but offer no guarantees.

Kate

Start of something new

March 5, 2019 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I have had this blog site for several years.  Never done a lot with it.  It was just a place I would come eventually to vent.  Over the past week, events have happened that make me want to share.  So, that is what this will become.  I will be sharing the process of my daughter sharing with me about being bullied.  It will start long before that point for background.  This is not a place to judge or condemn.  Please read with an open mind and heart.

Thank you,

D